tell your sister to shave her snatch
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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