So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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