i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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