How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
