Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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