ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
