Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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