I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need water and some morals
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
