I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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