let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
