I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
