I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
