Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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