It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
