were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Even my vagina gasped.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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