i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.