I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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