drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.