i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?