I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution