NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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