'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.