I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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