He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
