So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
