I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
