nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
