Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What a dumb baby whore.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
