he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
being pregnant is like rehab
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
