May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
