Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
