Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
