just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
