i just wanna soil my oats bro
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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