How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
