I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
