Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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