I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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