TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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