If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
