the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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