M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
