I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
