Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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