I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
