2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
