what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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