If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
