I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
