i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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