i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
