I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The uberlube is also flammable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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