I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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