ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
