Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
