my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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