if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
