when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
