My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
