My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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