You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
