it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
