alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
