This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
