So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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