I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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