Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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