he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found the puke drawer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
