what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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