playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
