Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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