AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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