doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
