Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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