Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
