i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
