I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
