Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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