i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
