I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
