So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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