The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
