i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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