So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You may now shotgun with the bride
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
