She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
