how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
