it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
